I'm Still Here—Your Support Is the Only Thing That Will Carry Me Forward

The Sask Party slog and a stalled NDP weigh heavy. It's time to decide how, or even if, to fuel the next chapter.

This is a familiar crossroads.

If you’ve been with me for a while—and many of you have, bless you—you know this isn’t the first time I’ve wrestled with whether to keep going.

It’s a ritual I can’t seem to escape, and one I’m so damn tired of myself.

Tired of sitting here, yet again, wondering if I should keep writing about the Saskatchewan Party government. Tired of the endless cycle of reevaluating whether it’s worth it, when every ounce of me screams it’s not. This has hollowed me out.

The hours, the mental grind, the way it’s chewed up my life—it’s been a headfuck I am constantly trying to outrun.

This isn’t another one-off moment of doubt; it’s a constant drumbeat in my life.

I need to reevaluate, over and over, because the personal toll writing about Saskatchewan takes keeps piling up.

Covering a tiny province like Saskatchewan, with its creeping authoritarian habits and opaque power plays, is no small thing. It’s hours of research, sifting through half-truths and buried details, trying to piece together what’s really going on, in the face of people who want to destroy me.

It’s the weight of knowing I’m shouting into a wind that’s always, always blowing the other direction. This work has carved out chunks of my life - my energy, my peace, my time with people I care about - and constantly leaves me wondering what I’m trading it any of that for.

I’ve been through this cycle too many times: staring at the cost, weighing it against the purpose, and hoping I’ll find a reason to keep going.

I pour myself into this Substack because I believe Saskatchewan’s story matters. Because I think someone, anyone, has to hold a mirror up to the Sask Party.

What’s making this round harder is the numbers. After two years, my paid subscriptions haven’t budged. That’s not just discouraging; it’s a gut punch, a neon sign flashing that no one gives a shit… and that maybe I need to take that hint and get on with my life.

Then there’s the Saskatchewan NDP, who’ve made this hell a thousand times harder than it ever needed to be, rejecting everything I write because I won’t kiss the ring of their half-assed mediocrity. Because I believed wholeheartedly in Ryan Meili (and still do), not Trent Wotherspoon.

This has left me stuck between a vindictive, increasingly unstable government that wants to finish me for good and an Opposition that would much rather I disappear than say something real.

So what the hell is the point?

It’s exhausting, and it’s another weight on a load that’s already breaking my back.

This was all fine when I no longer lived in Saskatchewan. I could write it and walk away and forget about it. However today’s crossroads includes the thunderbolt in recent weeks that I’m likely not going back, anytime soon anyway, to the life I was building in the United States.

I have to pivot, again.

I’ve got one job offer already from a different provincial government, but it’s really far away. I’ve got a bunch more applications out across Canada and I’m confident I’ll hear from more potential employers.

I can still write from anywhere in the world, but genuinely don’t know what to do this time. Leaving the province again doesn’t feel right, but I don’t think there’s anything for me to build here either. I’m 46 years old - I need to decide what the fuck I’m doing with the rest of my life.

Couple that with the support for this Substack not growing, it’s hard not to feel like I’m talking to an empty room. The return on investment—time, heart, everything—feels thinner every day, and it’s pushing me to the edge of calling it quits.

You’re the reason I haven’t yet.

Those of you who’ve been here from the start, who’ve shared my work, who’ve chipped in with a subscription or donations—you’ve kept this alive.

I mean it when I say I’m grateful; your faith in me and my work has carried me through darker stretches than I’d care to count. Additionally, your incredibly generous, spontaneous donations have been a lifesaver. Seriously.

But I can’t keep leaning on the same supporters forever.

So, I’m asking: if you’ve been reading for free, please consider a paid subscription.

If you think this work matters, please forward this Substack to friends and family who might feel the same—every new subscriber they add could make the difference.

It’s not just about the money, though that’s what keeps this viable; it’s about knowing there’s a broader community out there that still sees value in what I’m doing.

Right now, I honestly, truly just don’t see it.

I started this over ten years ago because I care—about this province, about its people, about the truth. But caring comes at a cost, and I’ve been paying it for years. This work and the vicious, deeply personal campaigns of abuse that’s come along with it have destroyed my life - ripped apart my time, my personality, my everything.

I’m not exaggerating; it’s wreckage I’m still sifting through.

This isn’t a dramatic ultimatum; it’s a plea born out of more exhaustion and a need to know if this fight still has legs.

I’m also not here to point fingers or pretend I’m a victim. I’m wholly responsible for myself.

I signed up to wrestle with the Sask Party and the NDP’s mess, not because anyone forced me, but because I once thought this province was worth fighting for - I’m not sure I feel that way anymore, which really breaks my heart.

Seriously. It’s undeniable that I am struggling to find value in trying to do any of this anymore.

This path was my choice, and I own the weight it’s put on me.

The damage is my fault, I know that.

I’m not dumping my struggles on you or pretending I’m owed something. I’m just laying it out honestly: I need a sign this still matters enough to keep pushing.

Something tangible to show me this isn’t just a stupid burden I should keep carrying alone.

If you’re already a paid subscriber, thank you—you’re my rock.

If you’re not, now’s the time.

Your support, your subscriptions will decide whether I can keep this up or if it’s time to step back from a battle that’s taken more from me than I ever dreamed it could or would.

With all my thanks,

Media and newsrooms in Saskatchewan cannot and are not getting you the information you need to live in a healthy democracy. If you’d like to further support my work, including assist in covering costs like the multiple subscriptions and accounts I need to access and purchase information provided in posts like this one, etransfers are gratefully accepted at tammyrobert0123@gmail.com.

Every dollar helps keep me and this work going.

Thank you.